That’s Just the Kind of Place This is

So, I moved into a new place. No longer am I banished to a window-less, basement studio apartment in the middle of Long Island. I now reside in a second floor, large 2 bedroom apartment in Queens. There are huge differences. I now have a roommate. I now have to find parking. I am close to the subway which is a few short stops from Times Square. Everything is walking distance. It’s like a whole new world than before.

Living with a roommate is something I haven’t really done since my military days. So that takes some getting used to. I have a female roommate, which is also strange to some. Of course when people find out my roommate is a girl, I get the same two questions: Is she hot? And have you “hit it”? I have no idea how either of those questions matter in the life of the person asking. I always have the same answer. “Yes, she is very hot. And no, I have not slept with her”. And I’d like to say it’s just dudes asking, but it’s any and everybody. I guess it’s in human nature to be curious.

I’ve at least known the roommate for a few years before moving in, so it wasn’t like I moved in with a complete stranger. That is usually weird. I at least knew the person that will co-exist in my world. Although it is much different than I thought it would be. When I first moved, I figured it would be one of those “I barely even see that other person” type deals. But we hang out all the time. Like imagine dating someone, but with a stunt-cock that comes over to handle the “intimate” parts. Fuck it, I get to enjoy the cooking, which, in my mind, is a win for me! She hates me and thinks I’m a disgusting creep (who can blame her?) but we have a good time. At least I think so…. I’ve blown off hanging with chicks I have a chance of hooking up with just to hang with the roomie…. Who’d have thought? Ahhh well……

My greatest concern when moving to Queens was the parking. Parking out in Long Island was easy. There was always a spot right in front of my place. No worries. Now, it’s a gamble. Having a nice spot has factored in my “Am I going anywhere” decisions. It’s not as bad as I thought it would be, I’ve only had to park off my street about once a week ….and that was like the next street over. But I was ticketed twice my first week….I had to learn somehow. I have piss balloons on stand by for the next time I get a ticket though…..

Our apartment is not for the faint of heart though. It looks nice. The roommate put enough of a “woman’s touch” on it to make it look respectable. But, honestly, leave your dignity at the door. We have a blow up doll named Lola that chills with beads around her neck. Panties hanging from a ceiling fan. A frat house type of refrigerator. A holder of suspect brownies…..let’s just say, tread carefully in our domain. It’s not a place for the easily offended. Weird shit has happened here and will probably continue to, especially if you take into account our combined love of FourLoko. And the only explanation we can give is “That’s just the kind of place this is”. I can’t get into details due to our “Fight Club/Las Vegas” type of code. But the place is fun. That much we can tell you.