It has come to my attention that I’m evil as hell when I’m mad at someone. Now, don’t get me wrong, it takes A LOT for me to get mad. I’m usually light-hearted and fun. I don’t stress about money and all the other small things in life. Most things in life I can laugh off or ignore. But when something finally hits a nerve….watch the fuck out!
I felt like I kinda had this problem a while back. But didn’t realize to what degree this anger was. Someone once described it as a Banner to Hulk type transformation, without the smashing and army tanks being thrown, of course. I, for some reason, can shut someone out completely. And my only issue is, the closer the person is to me, the more I shut them out. Weird, right? I once avoided any contact with my own mother for over a month over something I felt was a breach in our trust. It was really fucked up. I understand that after the fact, but during, you couldn’t tell me nothing.
And sometimes, I don’t even have to be directly involved in the situation. If I feel like someone is fucking over someone close to me, I get the same way towards them, like it’s some sort of emotional conductive passing what should be their anger to me. Is that crazy? It has to be. And if the person close to me keeps letting it happen, I act like it’s some sort of betrayal. Like I’m disappointed at them…..
I know a lot of this stems from two things. My loyalty, which is a downfall of mine, I’ve been too loyal to a fault. And, of course, my stubbornness, which is ANOTHER downfall of mine. And combined, can be explosive. But I suppose the first step towards fixing a problem is recognizing the problem. And now that I’ve have it narrowed down, it’s time to patch it up…..before I rip someone’s motherfucking arms off and beat them to death with them……..
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