What's a "Best Friend"?

What’s with everyone’s need to declare someone else their “best friend”? I’m sick of hearing it. Especially, when one person introduces multiple people as their best friend. How can you have more than one BEST friend? Only one can be THE best, right? You don’t see the 2nd or 3rd best of anything declaring themselves the best, do you? Ok, I guess I can throw in an exception. If you are a group of say 3 or 4 that are ALWAYS together, I can get it. But I’ve been called someones “best” friend, then hear them introduce someone else as their “best” friends as well. Fuck you with your false build me up!!

It’s even worse when I hear someone talk about their best friend and find out that they haven’t talked to that person in months, or even years sometimes. How can that be? Do they automatically claim the title forever? Can you be “Grandfather claused” into bestfriendhood? It’s as if you don’t realize that people change. People grow apart. You don’t even hang out with your best friend? Why not? Could it be that you have NOTHING in common? And they only care about you from a distance because they can’t tolerate you in person any longer? Sure, a text here, a phone call there can fill the quota to maintain the top dog staus on someone’s friend list.

Me? I have no best friend. I don’t feel like any one person I know stands out from the pack….as small as said pack may be. If something big happens in my life, the only place I can share it is on Facebook to 150 or so people that couldn’t care any less. There’s not one number on my phone, save my mom perhaps, that I can call. Why? Because I don’t think I know someone well enough to be THAT person. And I know damn well know one knows me enough to declare me that person.

Sure, once upon a time, I had a best friend. I prefer the term “closest friend”. We were tight for 20 plus years. I’m the Godfather of his daughter….whom I haven’t seen in many, many years. But I cannot say that, on this day, he’s my top friend. Shit, I have only spoken to him once in 4 years. And I was in NY for almost a year before he called saying “Yo, I just heard you moved to NY”. I would still do anything for the dude, but I’m that way for any of my friends. I’m just loyal to a fault in that way. But, if asked, I couldn’t continue to put the “Best Friend” title on it.

And you know another thing about the whole “Best Friend” thing? The term BFF. Ugh….. it really makes me want to punch a baby every time I hear it. And I’ve heard dudes use the term, which makes me want to tear up their “man card” right in front of them, and their disgraced parents…….

So, what in your mind would make you consider someone your best? I’d like to hear from you…..the one or two readers. Debate.