I've been into the online world a bit these past few years. And one of the creations that I hesitated into getting was Twitter. At first, I shunned it. Then I stuck my toe in a little to get the feel. Then I dabbled in it here and there. Now, I've embraced it for what it is...a portal to chuck out random thoughts and opinons without care. I have tweeted up to 80 times in one day. I go from fun-loving, to thoughtful, to plain ol' depressing..... Some tweets don't make any sense, even to me. Somedays I just spend responding to other people's tweets. I can't really describe what I do on Twitter. But I've thrown together a few tweets from December that have been retweeted or commented on. If you care to jump into the twitter world, and wanna see what goes on in the head of a looney, depressed, bi-polar idiot, feel free to follow me at @KeithABrockman
Oh, BTW, the whole term "follow" is creepy to me. If I were to follow you on the streets, I'd get called a creep. Why is it any different on the internet?
If I'm at your house, and I see you wipe a booger on any furnature, Don't be offended when I just get up and walk out
I know some dudes who pretend to be gay just so girls don't mind them touching thier titties in the club. Slick move, but I can't do it....
I like to walk into a crowded mens room and ask aloud "Who wants to swordfight?" To date, I have had no challengers.....
This dude is quite the nerd...his asscrack is probably calloused from all the wedgies he's had to endure....but probably will be rich by 40.
Everytime I see that Situation dude, his face reminds me of when Will Smith's charecter had an allergic reaction in the movie "Hitch
I need a job like the Transporter. Wait....that'll be called truck driving......Nevermind
It's become clear to me that I need more stripper friends.
Twitter spambots make me wanna choke life out of the human race
I like when sluts sprain their ankles on their walks of shame.....just to add pain to their lack of self-respect
Not to be crude or dramatic, but if I don't get titties in my face soon, I'm going to start questioning my own existence.....
How do porcupines fuck? They must get needle'd up!
I need to go back to Skytell pager and a roll of quarters. Life was easier those days.
Stroke of genius or a stroking genius? Hmmmm.....
Are the clouds in the sky the same ones all the time? Or do some disappear and others appear? I need a cloudologist for this....
I'm gonna see if I can drive all the way home from work in reverse.
I'd be pissed if I had an ugly child. Unless it was so ugly it was cute, then I could deal....until it was a teenager, then kick it out.
How do I incorporate a handjob into my work schedule?
You know what would be ultra-epic? A midget slumpbuster......
Do you think Big Bird ever got pissed at Oscar the Grouch, and just tipped that motherfuckers can over on him?
I see a slow day of work ahead of me....hopefully a tornado runs thru this place to shake things up a bit....
Would telling a customer to "Eat a dick and swallow the load" get me fired? If so, I might have a loooong afternoon ahead of me....
I love my lunch today....if my lunch were a person, I'd have tantric style sex with it.
Somedays, I wish one of my legs were about 5 inches shorter than the other so I'd have a natural pimp-walk.
I get TIGHT when a dude puts a smiley face in a text to me. Don't do that shit....
I think I'm gonna piss my pants just for a quick sense of warmth.....
Then to celebrate. Imma get a blow job from a penguin.
Is heroine a good pain reliever? I gotta get my tonsils taken out and searching for the best way of getting thru it.
For real, Imma keep watering my Xmas tree and see if we can keep this bitch year round.....fuck, paid good money for it!
#itsallfunandgamesuntil the doctor has to remove the hamster from your rectum
This kid in front of me has the most caveman-esque unibrow growling across his forehead, but he won't sit still long enough to sneak a pic
The room is spinning, obviously I'm not winning
There's either a rat or a homeless person trapped in my wall....
@jesus You should come thru and beat Santas ass in front of everyone to show who really owns this holiday season.
I am due for a name change. I'm tired of "Keith"
If you knew what I was listening to right now on Youtube, you would judge me in the harshest of ways........
Terms that make me wanna puke: "Going Ham", "Going Hard in the Paint", and "Hardbody".... "Swag" is steadily creeping onto the list
My roommate thinks its perfectly acceptable to throw up to make more room to finish a meal.....I beg to differ.
For the anniversary of Pearl Harbor, give a Japanese woman a pearl necklace.....USA....USA....USA!!!!
I hope Santacon is really a mass-suicide this year. Everyone attending can kill themselves......
I would seriously tongue-punch a fat girls fartbox for a bucket of KFC right fucking now!
I swear I wanna choke this old dude that works with me with his fucking phone cord.
Damn, Jets cost me $40 on their bullshit tonight......fuckers. I'm sending Sanchez an invoice for it.
If my nose is this stuffy tomorrow, I'mma light a motherfucking firecracker in it
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